I've Remembered Something I Don't Like

And that hellspawn fiend is called 'employment'. Or rather, searching for employment. I was reading my sister-in-law's blog (we all read each other's blogs because she and my brother live in Madison and while yes, we all have cellphones and e-mail and god knows how many other forms of communication, it's a right bitch to actually get in touch with other people. At least, I think so. My housemates will call me on my phone from downstairs rather than come up to my room. Perhaps I have a skewed world view.) Anyways, I was reading her blog, and she is searching for a job and hates it. I hate this too. However, she is a college graduate, and actually now is a graduate school graduate. Not to make her situation any less than it is, but that's like being Lance Armstrong's kid on Take Your Dad To Class Day. For comparison, I'm the kid whose Dad is a traveling carpet salesman or whatever it was Willy Loman did. I also hate Death of a Salesman.

That is not the point. The point is my especial dislike of applying for jobs, because this past summer, like last summer I tried to line myself up a nice internship with one of several organizations in the Twin Cities. I figured, hey, this is a thriving metropolitan area, I am a qualified student, a future professional, a whatsit-in-training, why not apply for some real world experience. This summer, I even made it past my goalpost of last summer and actually had interviews with a couple of places. Did I get any internships? Hell no. Why not? I know exactly why. Because any time I've ever had to apply for anything (as opposed to being the beneficiary of nepotism, since every job I've ever worked Martha has worked at before) I'm always asked 'Describe a situation in which you've shown leadership.' Leadership? Are you goddamn kidding me?

First of all, I reject the notion that interns should display leadership. Leadership is for the seniority of the organization, to be bestowed upon the intern. That is why they are there. If they came into the place with leadership skills, then you would call them an employee or even a manager, which I wouldn't mind being, especially if I got benefits and a nice salary. Also, you want your interns to do what they're told, not what they think they should do. In that regard, I've got a lot of leadership. In most of my work situations, I go full strength in the Peter direction. If I were my boss, I'd fire me. I'd fire me and then smack me up a bit. I want an intern who shows up on time, leaves a bit later than is expected, does all the work required of them, and doesn't burn up the office. Surprisingly, this is a difficult request. I would know.

Second, while it is worthwhile to inquire whether or not someone has leadership experience, it is only worthwhile in the sense that it is worthwhile to ask potential hires if they are only seeking employment to fuel a drug habit, or to overthrow the government. You're not likely to find many 'yes' responses. Whenever I am asked about leadership in job interviews, I struggle. "Does walking drunk roommates back to the dorm count?" "How about that time when I didn't get us all lost on a hiking trip?" "I once showed leadership by turning in a paper before the due date. And I spell checked it before hand." Yes, I realize I have leadership in the sense that I am more competent than a lot of people I know, but rarely is this situation translatable without actual anecdotal proof.

In high school, lots of kids did volunteer work, or they would run for student office, or something like that, and granted I did a bit of that because it beefs up your resume for, guess what, applying for college. None of it is actually practical. I know a tremendous number of people who were in leadership positions in high school and possessed less ability to lead than Bush. For pity sake's, I just read a headline article about one kid in my high school class who was convicted of first-degree murder this last week! Winston Churchill had leadership. Mahatma Gandhi had leadership. Scandinavia has leadership. People around my age, by and large, do not.

To future employers of me, I will warn you thus. I can inform you ad nauseum of the different ways in which I am competent enough not to warrant a grand jury investigation into my hiring. I cannot however give you specific case studies of 'leadership'. Maybe I should start a genuinely volunteer fire brigade. That wouldn't just involve leadership, it would also involve moxie, gumption, pluck, and many sympathetic jurors.