Today, I woke up a few hours after finishing the last episode of the first season of the ninth iteration of Dr. Who. (Or, mathematically W=tn(((t1*ef*s1*D^9)^grogginess)-1), where Y is a function of my sanity, FDR is the 32nd President of the United States, and Q is a non-repeating flight of starlings.) My sister introduced me to the series a little less than a week ago, and I've been hooked since. At least, to the most recent version. I've no current interest in venturing back in time to the early 60s to see what the original was like.
After waking up, I went to meet my Grandmother for lunch, where we talked about all sorts of things. Mainly, she told me what to do with my life and what she did with my life, and I noted everything diligently and will do as she says with expedience. It is best not to disregard the advice of someone who is indirectly responsible for your existence.
In the interest of not telling you everything about my life, I took a nap, went to work, got off work, and broke my car. My front right tie rod snapped and so the right wheel began turning independently of the left one, and by that I mean the right one didn't turn and the left one did. This is a minor complication in the field of driving, as it is best to drive with all wheels facing the same direction. Having one wheel going left and the other wheel going right, much like running a three-legged race out of step, will inevitably cause epic failure. Luckily, nothing serious happened and it got towed alright. Unfortunately, it had to be towed, and will have to be repaired, so I'm out a bunch of money, and a car:(
Why did this happen? Oh, it could've been wear and tear, or I could've hit something, but those are unimportant. For you see, I am a firm believer in karma. I believe that when I am lucky, it is either because at some other point I was unfortunate, or that soon I will become unfortunate. If I do a good act, good things will happen, and if I do a bad act, bad things will happen. However, preventative measures can be taken to counteract the karmic imbalance of the universe. For instance, if I get a sliver, I will likely get a good night's sleep. Or, if I club a baby seal for sport, I must plant a tree sometime later. It's like playing around with a cosmic suction cup. Nature abhors a vacuum, and thus all things must end up at equilibrium. So, either I ran over someone's mother by accident, or I will find a bag of money in a garbage bin.
Q: "Commodore, what causes lightning? Do you believe lightning is affected by global warming?"
KaBAM!: "Lightning was invented by Lorenzo di Medici in the mid-Precambrian era after he created the moon. The way Medici did this was by harnessing a falling red dwarf star and putting it into a giant cage at the center of the Earth. Our own sun is magnetic, and is attracted to the star at the center of the Earth. Electricity, in the form of gamma radiation, explodes from the sun all the time. However, because the Earth is made mostly of iron, chalk and water, it conducts electricity very well. The gamma radiation is exchanged as ozone, and in the process becomes lightning, traveling to the center of the Earth. I believe lightning will be affected by global warming, as the depletion of ozone will only anger the red dwarf star, unable to nourish itself off of lightning. Therefore, lightning strikes will become more and more common, as will shark attacks and chupacabra sightings."
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