The Montpellier Plus

The citizens of Montpellier are blessed, once a week, with the free paper "Montpellier Plus" which bills itself as the "Essential of Information" and is a compression of local news, national news, world news, and little human interest stories related to Montpellier. On my tram ride this morning, I was reading a story about two Montpellierains living in New York, and I decided it might be worthwhile to show you all a little bit of what I get every week. True, the Montpellier Plus is not Le Monde or even the more local Midi Libre, which is the French equivalent of USA Today, but... well, I'll comment afterwards. Anything in the article that was already in English, I'll asterix*. Here is the (mostly literal) English translation, care of moi:

Header: Expatriates - For these Montpellierains, France doesn't meet the standard anymore (literally, doesn't have the weight). Still, it has a standard. Touched by the myth of the American dream, from now on, their Comédie (the main plaza here), is Broadway and their scrubland, the forest of "terribly attaching" tentacular concrete and where, they say, "everything's possible"*.

New York, yes they can!*
Montpellierains in the city that never sleeps

They have made the choice to wake up every morning in a city that never sleeps more than to sleep themselves in this where on says, the sun never goes to bed (implying Montpellier). For these Montpellierains with reddened eyes - but not by the tears of the exile-, New York merits largely its statute of "must live in"* of cities of the possible. For some different reasons, he [Eric] "because I had enough of France and its skimpy mentality," and she [Muriel] "to follow my husband and because working for the UN is a privelege." He is an independent kitchen chef since 12 years, she is a translator of Russian and English for the Security Council since 2006. Eric Delalande and Muriel Robinson reside both in the Upper East Side situated between Central Park and the East River on the north of the isle of Manhattan, a quarter in which a square meter is one of the most expensive in the United States, reputed for its grand hotels, its prestigious schools, such as the French Institute and its celebrated habitants like Woody Allen.
Is it the cause of its mythic skyline and yellow taxis, for its outmoded clichés for which they have chosen the most coveted metropolis, erected in symbol of the American dream? Because all that you have heard on New York is true, we ate there a lot of hot dogs and hot pretzels (spelled bretzel - I can't tell if its a typo or not) on the corners of streets, the businesswomen striding Downtown with Prada and Nike on the feet, the mouths of the sewer smoking in the middle of avenues and there is a Starbucks Coffee for ten habitants. All here is in excessive size down to the rations on the plates. Very quickly one understands that it is a pride to live in Big Apple, it is "up to date"*, cultural New York, and above all it's "up to you"*, providential New York. New York has something of "up to" difficultly translated into common French.
Ducasse and Robuchon shined there for years, thus why not Eric Delalande. Because it is well "the dream american that on believes to attain on day but behind which one has yet to complete years later" which stimulates him and keeps him here since twelve years now with wife and child. And on this 3rd of November, where hte United States don't yet know what it will go to unclench a new era, Eric sense that he can touch it with a finger. "After eight years of Bush, eight years of shit, it has produces a fat revolution of lifestyle which surpasses politics. With the economic crisis, after Iraq, the people don't want to be brutalized anymore."
What seems evident for Eric is that France cruelly lacks this energy that there is here in spite of the hardness of life. "There is a grand liberty of enterprise, and more choice in careers." Muriel who considers above all the concrete value of things estimates that one makes above all the choice of New York "which is not the United States" for "to live here fully in liberalism" (which is to say that above all, one makes the choice of living in New York knowing you'll be living in full economic liberalism). Appearing less concerned by the perspective of better tomorrows, she tempers her proposal in adding she's "not being always in accordance with the government but tries to set it aside". To forge ahead, always. Even if the worm has long since been in the big apple and that the economic crisis poses major problems that one cannot possibly imagine here in France. "My husband works for an investment fund firm and has been subjected to the crisis in head-on collision. As for me, I work all day and neither he nor I have security like unemployment insurance." Leave, stay? It is an eventuality that she displays with a strange serenity. But struggle along, no.
Eric juggles with his charges like a tightrope walker on a wire held above his daily life. "Each month there is $10,000 of which $5,500 goes to rent, $1,500 in insurance, health insurance, social security, etc. and for the French school, $25,000 per year," he exclaims. But neither one nor the other will pronounce the terms of "precariousness" or "buying power". Too loose* (I have no idea why they used this word, it wasn't even in quotes or anything) when one cultivates the win as a New Yorkaise (yes, they call New Yorkers les New-Yorkaise). "I will always find a job and income cooking, one finds it everywhere here" underlines Eric. The worst of the country, they seem not to know. Muriel reminds herself always of the nostalgic scents of the scrubland and the Pic-Saint-Loup (the local mountain), declaring "an unalterable attachment to Montpellier." but never forgetting to thank in passing "the absence of strikes".
"After three days in France, I think of nothing but leaving again. France, it is good for the concept of social security," says Eric, who would not see hanging up the whisk "to return home" if Mc Cain makes off with the 270 grand electors of victory (yes, the verb rafler literally translates to 'swipe' or 'make off with'). But he doesn't yet think that a page in America is in the process of turning. And that he'll keep at it for four years... at least!

Intermittent Quotes -

"I don't think that in France we have an open enough mind to elect a president like Obama. There is hypocrisy in the air." - Eric

"Even my 11-year old daughter thinks Barack Obama is dreaming. OK, you guys need hope but you really need better social security coverage." - Muriel

END OF ARTICLE

There you have it. A glimpse into the minds of the 60-or-so million people by whom I am surrounded every days. Granted, its a glimpse into two of the minds of people surrounded themselves by 300 million of us, but still, Muriel is a good example of what French people are really like. They think its absurd that we don't have unemployment insurance (Ok, if you're laid off in France from a job you've been at for more than 3 years, you get 80% of your salary for the next 3 years. More than that, it's 5 years. And at minimum, you receive something like 1000 euros per month. You wonder why there is an unemployment problem here) and the French are perpetually amazed that Barack Obama is black. Also Eric, you're earning $120,000 a year as a cook, and you live on the Upper East Side. Move to Jersey if your rent is too high. And you Muriel, your husband is an investment banker. An investment banker. Yes, you bet he's going to be affected by a crash on Wall Street, but in France you'd still get unemployment insurance? In this country (which is to say the USA), you'd be publicly and savagely beaten if you asked for that. And when was the last time Woody Allen was mentioned as a celebrity resident of the Upper East Side? Did this article get caught in a time warp from the mid-80s? And also, when have Nikes been a classy shoe for businesswomen? Since when have Nikes been classy for anyone? Does it seem to you that the line about the sewer makes New York seem like a cesspool? I mean c'mon, it's one of the greenest cities in the country, perplexing as that may be. It looks carwash clean compared to Paris. And Muriel, what is this about about always forging ahead, but then you go on to say you're not going to struggle? Did you expect the streets to be paved with gold?

The Montpellier Plus. A standard of journalistic excellence, or an excellence of standard journalism? No, it's just a free rag they hand out at tram stops to give you something to distract yourself with while the panhandlers come by. What is with the French and their obsession with our lack of social security? - which, by the way is not the same thing we conceive of as social security. For them, it is every governmental aid program: retirement, unemployment, maternity leave, sick leave, disability, etc. And why are they complaining? They still retain their government benefits even while being expatriates! And Muriel, even when your daughter becomes the first black man elected president of France, you still won't have a right to criticize us. So, shut up or I'll report you to Homeland Security. In fact, just by typing the words 'Homeland Security', this blog has now been tagged and is being read by censors who will see your heresy and have a team of commandos come bag you off to Guantánamo. As for me, I expect to be awarded the Order of Conspicuous Merit any day! All Hail Big Brother!

Good night and good luck.

P.S., don't get me wrong - I love France. It's just, in the same sense I love a good Monty Python sketch. They're all crazy, and funny to watch, but I wouldn't want to live in one for too long.